Have you ever made friends or gotten intimately close and then found you are considered an outsider when an important event was being planned? This happened to me recently.
I met my boyfriends’s mother several times when in her 90s and quickly going downhill health-wise. I could see in her the beautiful source of love and happiness that is now natural expression in her son, my boyfriend for the past seven months.
Instead of calling me or telling me in person of her passing, he sent a text message I never received. Finding out four days later, I was also told I could not go the the funeral because his sister says, “Its just for family.”
In a way, its a no brainer. I certainly don’t want to be where Im not wanted. Guess he didnt want me there either. I will do the bigger thing even though it seems I get asked to do The Bigger Thing over and over again in life. All of our actions have consequences. Inside I feel like crying. Inside I want to take the day off of work and go the the funeral, the funeral of a woman to whom I will be eternally grateful. Besides I feel I need closure from my experiences with her and to process her departure from earth.
But I knew her during three visits, 9 hours of time. What about the others who have known her for a lifetime? There are so many of them. She saw them through their lives. Isn’t there room at the funeral for one more person who cared about her, albeit for a short time?
But no, I should do the Better Thing. I should use my gut-stored strength to graciously make it OK. For my health I will release the stress, I will be sure to express how I feel about him and his mother who showed him the greatest thing there is to know. How to love and be loved in return.
With this blog entry, I honor her.