Is this asking too much? When you are naturally feeling kind and loving why can’t it be expressed to others?
Allow me to speak in terms of Male Traits and Female Traits instead of Men and Women. Everyone is a mixture of male and female traits, and for good reason. Life strives to stay in balance.
The Female tends to want peace. She will compromise personal desires for peace believing kindness and love will triumph. Male traits need to triumph as well, doing it through physical action aimed at Winning. This need of Males is so dominant, to such a degree, he is overcome by it. And he will only get involved if he knows he can win. Otherwise he will bow out. Let me give you an example.
My grandson had a severe case of chapped lips. He was on a sleep-over at Aunt Wilma’s house. She is the mother of my 16 year old nephew. In the morning, the skin around his lips started to blister. Aunt Wilma was out of the room when I suggested my best remedy. Five minutes later she suggested a good remedy of her own. When I asked (with kindness and love) if we could try mine first, Wilma immediately made it OK, quickly retreating what she had already applied to her finger.
Witnessing this exchange, her husband, my brother (a long-time advocate for peace & love) said jokingly, “Its the Battle of the Mothers.” My brother NEVER means to do harm. Ive known him his whole life. This perspective, that of a contest, is an innate male trait. Something that can’t be and shouldn’t be changed. Life striving to stay in balance.
The reason I speak of it is to suggest that Females keep in mind this Male Trait of Winning. Giving him many small ways to win, very gradually raising to larger things he knows he can win, will let him know he is winning with you. This is only attainable through deeds, not words. When he gets he is winning with you, you will again see the one you love. Let yourself be surprised when you see him acting kind and loving. Its likely to feel good.