Watching the movie Silverado I resonated with the part of Stella when she said, “The world is what you make of it, my friend. If it doesn’t fit, you make alterations.”

Not everyone thinks they can affect life. Going through the public school system with its polar right and wrong answers and no in-between, the commonly programmed emotional response is to shy away from affecting anything.

You know how this applies to you or to someone you know.

You have an imagination, that you do know! But do you know that no one else needs to know. You can imagine the opposite of your actual reality. You can imagine yourself in a totally different space and even a different time. You are able to imagine anything. Given time, this muscle, if I may call it a muscle, will strengthen. You can get very good at imagining things or places to calm you and comfort you. Remember: No one knows what you’re thinking. And no one needs to know. Comments like, “What are you smiling about?” can be diverted with “Oh, nothing.” Don’t let on that you have a secret or they will tease it out of you. Your imagined world is YOUR OWN.

With your imagination you can make alterations if reality doesn’t fit well.

Search my blogs to find Creating Your Own Reality, (How to instructions).

First comes Imagination, then comes Creativity. Creativity is the hands-on making of what you have imagined. You can create your own reality. Follow the steps on how to do it, don’t skip or alter any of the steps. Doing so will disconnect you from your ability to create in this way.

Darling one, you are one very powerful creator in your own life. Once realized you can do anything. Simply research it, then decide if you want to follow through.

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Reality Creation

There was a time in my late 20s when I lived in California, the land of the costly weekend seminars. On any given Friday evening through Sunday afternoon you could choose from a cornucopia of self-help live workshops. When I realized the sales hustle, I vowed to not take any of them, wanting my daily experience to be what it will be. Over six years, from 1980-1986 I signed up for only two seminars; Women, Sex and Power and the other was How To Create Your Own Reality.

By golly, I wanted to be able to create my own reality!

No worries. Mates. I will discuss my experience with Women, Sex and Power soon.

The process for creating your own reality works well, although it requires you to work with time and to be very observant. No problem, right? You’ve got the rest of your life, realistically, that’s a good chunk of time to make your reality into your heart’s desire.

Time is a non-renewable resource. Use it wisely to create a rich, wonderful life.

The first step is to hold one important thing in mind as often as possible. It is your dream life. Instead of name-brand things and specific people, dream about living with or perhaps working with the ideal person or thing without a detailed description. Instead focus on how YOU feel with them/it. What kinds of things they do (it does) to change your life. The things they do (it does) to help you.

What does that support feel like? Identify what it feels like to have that support. Or perhaps you want an adventure. If so, feel that wind in your hair or what’s it like to sit at that French cafe, work in that desired environment of have that windfall. Think of all the details of what would be different for you and visualize being there with all the sights and sounds.

As you go about your days, whenever you experience an enviable interaction between people or see a desirable adventure or situation, if you wish, add that memory to your dream. Add and subtract things from your dream until your dream is just perfect. You can write it down if you like. But do not under any circumstances discuss the whole dream with anyone! Seriously, voicing it out-loud will weaken the process. You can keep it totally to yourself.

Good. Be sure to recall your dream 1-10 times a day, no exaggeration. You will enjoy it, guaranteed. Always keep it available in your mind. It’s entertainment. You can call it your ultimate goal, but, be lighthearted and keep it free and dreamy, allowing any combination of elements in reality to come together as you create.

The second step is done at the same time as recalling your dream. It is to observe actual reality as it truly is. No opinions, no judgements. Like taking inventory of what is actually happening. You will begin to see little details that match your dream. When this happens, say Yes to it. Start doing that behavior whatever it is. For instance, if part of your dream is to have more friends and be in good physical shape and a new co-worker needs a tennis partner of a jogging buddy, say yes whether or not you know how to jog or play tennis. You can learn.

In review, we have two concurrent tasks – maintaining and refining your dream and keeping a sharp eye on actual reality. Bit by bit, as you incorporate parts of actual reality that match your dream and start living that way, you will notice a significant amount of pressure building up. This pressure will build up until its very close to being unbearable. It is unavoidable.

Its of utmost importance to NOT GIVE UP! Just keep dreaming your dream while you observe reality and continue to take into your life things that match your dream. The stress is like stretching a rubber band between the pointer fingers of your two hands. if you keep stretching, a lot of tension builds up. Eventually the rubber band will break. When the undefinable pressure inside you breaks you will notice your actual reality is the same as your dream. You’ve done it!

Why doesn’t everyone do this? Because of the pressure. They give up too soon and they lack the focus.

TIP: Let go of anyone specific person or thing being part of your dream. It took me 10 years to find my ideal partner in life. He does everything I imagined in my dream. I kissed many frogs in my past. Living my dream is amazing, thrilling.

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It happens at work, while waiting or taking time-out.

What to do with yourself?

Stuck, so you can’t leave, or listen or read, or check your phone.

When there is that defining feeling of emptiness and you know for sure


Try this: Your body has a hum to it. The obvious hum is inside your mouth and a song is right there with it. Some people can whistle, but maybe that would draw too much attention. It depends on the situation. 

Another body hum is the one your pulse. FOR FUN: check it; not to judge it, just to feel it.

There is also tension in your hands. Use one hand to massage the other breathing with the release of the tension. If you can, do the same for your feet but if you cannot easily take off your shoes and socks, then massage your hip sockets, your thighs, knees and shins.

Your legs will thank you.

You can also use your hand in a cup shape to massage the back of your neck, moving up to the base of your skull, where your hand would then open placing your thumb facing down on one side of your spine and your fingers woven together cradling your skill. Thumbs are where the top of your spine connects to your skull. Breathe.

The following charts are reflexology guides showing the nerve endings for each part of your body. These nerve endings end in your hands your feet and your ears.

Just be sure to breathe with the pain (tension), evenly in and out. Your breath will dissipate the stress. You do not need to memorize anything. These charts are for reference. You can come back to look at them anytime or copy and download them.

One last tip: drink water 8 glasses daily even though it requires more trips to the bathroom. Most of our problems are due to dehydration. Coffee, sodas, and alcohol dehydrates you.  I have a tip that works for many people. Stand at the source of your drinking water and fill up an 8oz glass. Drink it down while you are standing there. Before moving away, fill up the same glass a second time and take it with you to sip more slowly. This way you only need to do this 4 times a day. And 4 times a day is easy – breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack or bedtime.

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Yucky Responsibility

With soap and water I wish to wash away the heavy muck on the word, responsibility. It deserves to be wiped clean of feeling like a burden, like something to avoid, if that was possible. It’s not possible! Whether you like it or not, you are responsible. Everything you think, every thought goes out into infinite space with a vibrating tag leading right back to you. Every moment of every day you send messages, good or bad. Its human to have bad feelings so don’t white-wash it and conversely, avoid feeling bad.

The thing to do is to own it. Be responsible for every feeling you have by realizing what you already know, you are what you think. Now be gentle with yourself. I say this because responsibility is a benefit. Once you relax into living with this truth you realize your power over your life. And then you have a power no one can touch. It’s yours to keep, to have and to hold and to use. In that is the clean responsibility I spoke of earlier.

Also this thing, about every thought going out into infinite space with a trail back to you, has good news. The infinite space is very friendly and says YES over and over again. So if you think, “I am peaceful.” It says yes you are. If you think “I am disgusting,” it says yes you are. And so on . . .

Remember, with responsibility you are in charge. Change your thoughts and you change your reality. Not immediately, not overnight, but in due time the longer you visit that fine thought. Native American culture believes that everything happens in just the right way at just the right time. That’s a lot like, “Be Here Now.” And there is real magic in the practice of being in the moment, with your focused thoughts and with a universe that is constantly saying Yes.

For more on this subject watch the 18+ minute Ted Talk by Lisa Feldman Barrett entitled, “You aren’t at the mercy of your emotions. Your brain creates them.”

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Who doesn’t know growth is good. Even though some people say they are finished growing, foolish as they may be. Why are they foolish? Because deep down they know everything around them is in a state of growth and decline. What may be news to you is the enormous amount of time between where you are and your inevitable decline/demise. As long as you are growing you are on the path to your personal legend. See my blog history:

Today I want to focus on what stops you from growing? I have an idea all of you have a number of reasons and I know I can dissipate each one of them for you. For example, other people’s opinions, busy schedules, pressures at work, focus on kids, abuse at home, chronic illness, low self-esteem, too little of this or that, too much of this or that. I invite you to comment below on your block(s) to growth.

All of them could fit under the label of opinion. Funny thing about opinions, they are often flimsy and 99.9% of the time they do not apply. I come from a family of lawyers. With that line of thinking around my young impressionable mind, I learned a very important concept. Everything that comes out of a person’s mouth is an opinion. I say AN opinion and not THEIR opinion because opinions can change when more facts are taken into consideration. Only a recognized judge (we imagined them while we were kids) could judge which opinion applied and only in certain cases. See what I mean by flimsy? Let’s have fun for a moment and assign YOU as the judge of you. What do you say?

With you as the judge of what happens to you, what happens to your feelings. Would you still have your blocks to growth, when YOU ARE THE JUDGE., the boss of you, as the Italians say. “I’m the boss of me!”

Bold as it may be, let me suggest . . . YOU be the judge of you.

I say if it feels good and brings lasting peace to you, its right and its leading to Your Personal Legend. You are led directly to your purpose in life. Many people are there and they know it. They can feel it. The rest of us can become aware of our purpose in life by using these tools, I-C-A-I, Imagination, Creativity, Awareness and Intuition.

For fun, put the title of JUDGE in front of your name. Like this, Judge Pasha, Judge Tommy, Judge Jack, Judge Kathy, Judge Judy! There was a time when my son was a little boy and he was angry, feeling something was unfair. With great assertion he said to me, “I’m gonna tell Judge Judy!” Today he is a self-assured, self-directed professional with a great family life.

You can take your life into your own hands.

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Ever Changing

A year ago I was a sorry sort. I felt sorry for not having found my mate in life. I felt unsuccessful for not yet having money coming in from my second career, five years in the planning. I still had not fully recovered healing my relationship with my only son. It felt like a holding pattern. Still, nothing is static since, in my mind, my inner and my outer worlds are ever changing.

In a year’s time, my son reached out and found the family he had all along, in the wings waiting for him. Along with him, three young children, grandchildren to me. This summer I am kid-sitting for them, three days in a row roughly 8-5 each day. Seeing them day-after-day has created such a bond. To explain I will share the text my son sent the other day. “You must be doing a good job with my children, they keep asking if you’re coming over every morning.” My belief that existence is ever changing sustained me and landed me here for this moment in time.

Since February of this year, I changed by getting engaged to be married. Its common knowledge this promise can backfire. It had for me years ago. This time, since he was afraid he would lose me, we got married. THEN moved-in together, THEN had another ceremony for our family and friends at our July wedding. It was barely what I imagined it would be, but that image was static. Quite naturally, it flowed and morphed into what it was. I’ve learned to “love what is” and in that grace, our wedding was a beautiful day for everyone involved.

By now you may wonder what happened to my Second Career? Its risen to another plain, like a bar being raised along with my awareness of all it will be from its inception and for many years to come. Now I have company! First, personal friends whose lives are culminating into refined likenesses of their most true and compassionate thoughts. Its very helpful to have a trusted friends checking-in on your progress, and likewise their progress.

I got a certification with a group that includes lifelong membership with people that are in leadership, public speaking and coaching. That’s a whole lot of company. They help with continuous progress towards my own goals, excuses set aside.

And then there is my library. For a lifetime I have collected the books that expanded my mind, awareness, imagination and creativity. This career is about how you can do the same for yourself. Stay tuned, my friends. There is much more to come. Its ever changing.

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White Wedding Dresses

When I was a little girl of 8 years, I started to mend holes in clothes. Fast forward to a Bachelors Degree in Ethnic Clothing, Textiles and their Retailing from Michigan State University, College of Human Ecology. The program was taught from the perspective of ecosystems. That is inner-connectedness of materials and their uses to humans.

After graduation, I lived and learned all I could in California. I mentored to a brilliant dressmaker, Lina Morgan and thanks to my art teacher, Ray Jacobs at the Laguna Beach Academy of Art also gained a total change of perspective, seeing life in terms of color and design, multi-optional. With these tools, I enjoy 38 years of working full-time as a creative professional dressmaker.

With your permission, may we discuss the issue of white wedding dresses representing purity of a woman’s sexuality. Aside from the sociological the political and the chauvinistic issues, mine is from a dressmakers perspective.

I love satin and laces and good workmanship especially in wedding dresses. Not too long ago young women started to trash their dresses after the wedding trying to “make right” the fact that they were not virgins at the time of their wedding. I heard and saw videos of young women applying paint, scissors and sometimes even laying down in a river to destroy the dress and its whiteness.

Not all of them, but, many traditions have great cultural value. I believe this one is worth keeping. I suggest we keep the notion of purity and we keep the white dress by assigning a purity of INTENTION to our commitment to stay married. To stay true to our partner and the vows we speak out loud. Have the whiteness of the dress represent the clear lily whiteness of our intention of staying together though thick and thin.

To me, this tradition needs an update, similar to an upgrade. Let me know if you agree or disagree. This upgrade seems more in line with our world today as we women get more free from male dominancy by taking your “should” . . . off of our bodies.

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